Just Another Girl With a Surprise

Me, I’d want to be with Ariel from the Little Mermaid or Rapunzel from Tangled, lol..  They’re just sooo cute, lol.

The night is so cold and lonely without you here by my side,
I cry my self to sleep hoping things will change but it never does.
I loved you with everything I’ve got and hated it when we had a fight,
I cry my self a river for the love we had because it’s been lost.

If I blow my brains out…. Who’ll pick up the pieces off the floor.
If I blow my brains out…  Would you regret walking out that door.

I’m missing you baby even though I hated you some times….
I’m hurting so bad that I can’t go on like this any longer…
I’m missing you so bad when I think about the good times..
I’m so confused how it all went wrong and wish I was stronger.

If I blow my brains out…. Will it all go away………
If I blow my brains out…. Will it all go away………
If I blow my brains out…. Will it all go away………

I think about you constantly and I can’t get you outta my head,
See you in my memories and I don’t know how to move on,
I feel like my life is over and I’m wishing I was dead,
Too many regrets wishing I’d done different now that you’re gone.

What was it that we couldn’t even talk,
We used to tell each other everything.
So many things changed, how did we,
When we promised it would last forever.

If I blow my brains out…. Will it all go away………
If I blow my brains out…. Will it all go away………
If I blow my brains out…. Will it all go away………

© 2011. Lita Kelley. All Rights Reserved.

If it’s the one where she wears a schoolgirl uniform, I want to see that too. :)  I’ve had a crush on her since Party of Five, lol… I just love her.

 When I go out with my non trans friends or alone, people never stare, make rude comments or do anything negative.  I like to think it’s because I look like and act like a biological female and by being with non trans people, everything is normal, as in nothing is out of the ordinary.

However, if I’m out with a transgender mtf that isn’t feminine in appearance or manner, then everything is pretty much the opposite and I feel weird, because people stare, mutter comments, etc because of the person I’m with and I just am a woman and want to be seen as and treated as a woman by others, but if I’m with a transgender mtf that’s overtly very masculine in appearance or manner, it affects me when out in public and I don’t like it… It makes me uncomfortable and I feel sort of creeped out…. Does this make me a shallow or bad person if I don’t want to hang out in public with a transgender that does not pass as a woman?

I’m a member of this transgender social club that meets in various locations in the area several times per month and goes out to local clubs and restaurants, functions, events, etc and at one of these locations several elderly cross dressers show up, as well as some very manly looking transgender mtf who just look like men in dresses and not even close to looking like a woman, and being with them makes me uncomfortable, because they’re not feminine at all and seems to me are just men in womens clothes…. it’s like they’re not even trying to be women, but just playing dress up, and I feel weirded out, because I know all the stares, snickers and comments etc are because of them, because things like that don’t happen when I’m with cisgender people or with mtf that pass, because everyone else sees me as a woman, so, is it wrong for me to not want to be out in public with a transgender male to female because they’re too manly masculine and have no chance in hell of passing as a woman?

Seems I rather be out doing normal regular things with cisgender friends than with other trans friends, simply because I feel more “normal” and I never get any negative reactions, but sometimes when out with trans friends, if some of them don’t look like women, I feel like a freak sideshow and everyone’s looking….Is it wrong for me to feel like this?

On the other hand, these things don’t bother me so much when we’re at a LGBT club, because there it don’t matter at all.

I’m so broken, depressed and lonely..  I miss my wife and daughter and can’t handle this..  I feel so alone and in so much pain.

Today is my wife’s birthday and I miss her soooo much… and really miss my daughter even more. :(

I can’t even talk to her and don’t know how to fix my life that she left me in such an awful terrible mess… all I can do is cry and nothing gets better.   I don’t want to be single… I don’t want to be divorced nor without my child …  I’m so sad and hate my life

I missed all the signs, didn’t see your heart darken,
‘Til that day you left me drowning in a sea of tears.
Never thought I’d feel so lost, so alone, so broken,
But you took away from me what we had, all those years,
And I’m stuck here with nothing but the pain you left me in.

I’m going crazy I think about you all the time,
I’m so lost without you I don’t know what to do
I’m coming undone at the seams all the time
I’m gonna lose my mind, probably my soul too.

Maybe I shoulda slowed down, I pushed you away,
Maybe I shoulda listened for the words you didn’t speak,
But that look in your eyes that was just your way,
To tell me you thought of me as some kinda freak,
And our world was about to come crashing down.

If I could reach out to heaven and pull down the stars,
I would do it for you just to have you back in my arms.
If I could reach out to heaven and touch mars,
I would do it for you just to have you back in my arms,

I’m going crazy I think about you all the time,
I’m so lost without you I don’t know what to do
I’m coming undone at the seams all the time
I’m gonna lose my mind, probably my soul too.

I think about what mighta been, where’d I go wrong.
I wish I could go back in time and undo it all,
But the best I can do for now is sing this song,
Because it was from heaven you made me fall,

© 2011. Lita Kelley. All Rights Reserved